I discovered the other day just how fun it can be to get the mail.
That may seem like an oxymoron, with the recent delivery of property tax bills, but getting the mail brought me so much delight because I knew my Bride was waiting for an important letter.
It was driver license renewal time for my Bride and, being the excellent driver that she is, she was invited to renew by mail without having to visit a Secretary of State facility.
She bragged about receiving the royal treatment, having no tickets on her record resulting in by-mail renewal. I, on the other hand, will likely have to give a week’s notice to the DMV so they can schedule me with the strictest instructor.
The Queen certainly deserves the privilege. I’ve never seen a driver who cruises with so much caution. She’ll creep up to a stop sign, wave any other motorists through, make certain her turn signal is on and crawl through the intersection.
She’s like that little old lady on her way to church, only worse. In fact that little old lady honks at my Bride for driving too slow.
But that’s okay, that’s why I love her because she does her best to do things right.
So I was surprised when her driver’s license had not arrived in the mail by her birth date. The Queen is not the type to procrastinate when obeying the law.
“What am I going to do? I can’t drive without my license,” she said with frustration.
I assured her that the state likely received her payment and if she got pulled over by a police officer she could explain her dilemma. That wasn’t good enough for her so she insisted that I give her a ride to work.
“Oh, come on,” I reasoned, “the state has more important things than worrying if you received your license on time. Go ahead and drive to work.”
So she headed out the door that morning with anxiety in her step. Deep down I think she wanted to blame me if she got caught without her license.
I’m sure it became the last thing on her mind once she got to the office, a newspaper office can do that to you. Unless your the publisher’s wife who got arrested for driving without a license and your name ends up in the police report. Boy, I would never hear the end of that if it happened. Now I was worried.
We survived another Monday at the office and headed for home. I beat her there because I take the faster route while she travels the slower side streets.
No sooner had I parked in the driveway and got out, I could see her coming down the street. I waved her off as she steered for the mailbox.
“I’ve got the mail,” I hollered as she approached, and I reached to open the box. Sure enough, there was her letter from the Secretary of State’s office.
I beckoned its arrival by swinging it into the air. The Queen grinned with relief that her license had arrived. As I walked up the driveway I opened the letter intending to reward her the license.
Instead, concern flashed across my face as I read the letter aloud.
“’Dear Mrs. Fisher,
We regret to inform you that your license is not being renewed at this time…,’” I said.
“’Even though we have taken into consideration your excellent driving record, we have concluded that your license must be revoked…”
She stopped in her tracks and said, “WHAT? I can’t believe this. What reason did they give for not renewing my license?” she demanded.
I held up a finger indicating that I was still reading. I hesitated long enough to cue her impatience.
“It says here they are not renewing it because you lied,” I declared.
“That’s crazy, lied about what?” she asked.
“It says you lied about your weight,” I said as serious as I could.
“I upped it by…” she started, then realized she was being fooled.
That’s when I held up her license. She slugged me on the shoulder saying that wasn’t funny. And I’ve kind of been in the dog house ever since. To stay out of trouble I’ve been letting her get the mail ever since.